The complaints
by MistyxKisame
Summary: The things you've always wanted to know...What bothers the Akatsuki about each other. Featuring Naruto from "Whats that smell".
1. Deidara's list

Summary: Konan asks everyone to write complains about each of the akatsuki members so that when she reads them aloud, maybe they'll change(plus Konan needs a laugh once in a while)and everybody will get along better...and boy was she wrong!=3

Konan had gathered everyone in the kitchen for a final report for the day."Ok I have some complaints from your teammates to let you know what bothers them about you, nobody be sensitive about this..."

Hidan had a look of shock on his face. "Wait! I thought those were private!"

Konan glared at Hidan."_I SAID DONT BE SENSITIVE!_!Okay the ones about Tobi first..."

**"1) Tobi poots in his sleep."**

**"2) Tobi smells like my ass."**

Laughter from Hidan and Kisame.

**"3) he is my ass"**

**"4)I pooted."**

Kisame and Hidan laughed extremely hard.

**"5)Tobi is the shit."**

**"6)I'm stalking you right now Tobi."**

**"7)Deidara is the BOMB BITCH!"**

Everybody stared at Deidara

Konan was hating this decision already.

**"8)I love you Kisame!"**

Everybody stared at Kisame.

**"9)Hey baby, let me see your Dragon Balls."**

Deidara started laughing.

Konan's eye twitched with slight anger.

**"10)You shake too much in bed...in MY bed..."**

**"11)Once you asked me why I keep saying art is a bang...wanna find out?"**

Everybody stared at Deidara, who has stopped laughing, but someone in a closet is.

"Uhhh... okay! Now it's time for Itachi's complaint."

BTW sorry I had to remove this story. I redid everything. Well also redo "Whats that smell" or whatever.


	2. Itachi's list

Thanks for tuning back into our fabulous story! Anyway, thanks for the newest reviews to my unupdated story, "The complaints". I had stopped writing because I thought that nobody was reading it. THANK YOU FOR FAVORITING!

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"Now before I read this…Itachi…"

"Hm?"

"Please don't use any jutsus on anyone, okay?"

"Hn…" Itachi rolled his eyes.

**_1. Dat ass_**

**_2. Dat asshole_**

**_3. Super weasel_**

Deidara coughed and punched Tobi.

**_4. Sexy-no-jutsu gone wrong_**

**_5. Dat chest_**

**_6. Dickgirl with no vagina_**

**_7. Itachi sucks…literally_**

Hidan coughed and punched Kakuzu, which slapped him on the back of the head, almost knocking it off.

**_8. Dat asshole_**

**_9. Kisame, stop writing stupid stuff!_**

**_10. I'm not, small Dick girl whose name is Deidara the limpest dick in the world…that DOESN'T EXIST!"_**

**_11. Then who is it?_**

**_12. Yo ho-ish mammy_**

**_13. Learn to spell Hidan_**

**_14. Butt Lick_**

Konan stared at the only person who could have written the words, "Butt lick", and be quiet up until that was read, and then burst out laughing like a total manic on crack. That person…was Tobi…

"Very funny, Tobi." Konan rolled her eyes.

"But it wasn't Tobi!" Tobi said innocently. "It was Naruto!"

"That fox kid?" said Kisame.

"Yeah!" Tobi wiggled in his chair. "He was here in the base! He gave Tobi some dango if he promised not to tell!"

"Tobi is a liar!" Naruto jumped from out of nowhere and pimp slapped Tobi across his face. "DAMN LOLLIPOP!"

"Ow!" Tobi whimpered.

"See ya later suckers!" laughed Naruto before throwing down a smoke bomb and disappeared.

"THANKS A LOT, SHIT BREATH!" Hidan yelled at Tobi. "WE COULD HAVE BEEN AMBUSHED!"

"And we lost the Nine-Tails too." Itachi glared Tobi.

"Oosps?" Tobi said nervously.

"Can we read his list next?" said Zetsu. "It may be the last thing that he hears."

Konan sighed and pulled out Tobi's list which was pretty big.

Out of ideas for this chapter. Thanks for reading!


	3. Tobi's list

Konan prayed that Pain would hurry up and get into the meeting room so that Toby's blood wouldn't be all over the wall.

**1. Lolipoop**

**2. learn to spell before you write Hidumb**

**3. OOOH! BURN!**

**4. I eated a brownie yesterday!**

**5. I pooted!**

Tobi coughed slightly.

**6. Booby booby boooooby! Konan said booby!**

"How did someone know that I was going to read this?" Konan mumbled to herself.

**7. Tobi is a lesbian tranny.**

"What's a tranny?" Tobi asked Kisame.

"Uh…" Kisame whispered what a tranny was.

"Are Deidara, Itachi, and Kakuzu trannies, Kisa-san? 'Cuz Kakuzu has long girly hair and hips." Kisame burst out laughing when Tobi whispered this in his ear.

"Fuck yeah they are! Especially Ka…" Kisame quickly covered up his mouth and left the room, dragging Tobi with him.

"I KNEW IT!" Tobi said from the hallway. Tobi stuck his head into the meeting room and ran to Deidara, Itachi, and Kakuzu while pointing at each one yelling, "TRANNY!"

Tobi then ran out of the room and two pairs of feet could be heard running, moving around, stuff falling down being moved, slapping, crying, talking, bed squeaks, more bed squeaks, loud noises and muttering, shouting, happy yelling, more footsteps, and then a messy looking Tobi and Kisame sat back down.

"Please continue…" said Tobi straightening his mask and brushing back his hair.

"I don't even want to know what you two were doing up there…" said Sasori mumbled.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Hidan laughed stupidly. "THEY WERE FUCKING!"

"I said I didn't want to know…" Sasori winced at the thought of Kisame and Tobi getting it on.

Konan got up. "I think I'm going to lay down…."

"No! Wait! Read the rest!" Zetsu whined.

"YOU read it!"

"Fine!" Zetsu grabbed it from her.

**8. Duck fucker**

**9. You so dan ugly, yo mamamay didn't want you!**

"I wonder who wrote THAT?" Kakuzu said rolling his eyes.

"Go back to school Hidan!" said Deidara.

"FUCK YOU!" was all the immortal said, clearly embarrassed.

**10. I liks Tiitss.**

"How did he spell that?" asked Itachi.

"He said 'I liks tiits' instead of 'I like tits.' and plus he spelled 'likes' l-i-k-s and 'tits' t-i-i-t-ss."

Everyone burst out laughing, except Hidan who kind of hid himself.

**11. I'm a Tobi pregant batch**

Everybody burst out laughing at Hidan's fails.


	4. Oh no! Hidan's list read by Pain

The next day, instead of Konan reading the list, it was Pain. All of the akatsuki members (minus Itachi, Zetsu, and Sasori) were pretty nervous. Writing stupid, sexual, and yaoi-ish subjects with the boss man reading them? Everyone was going to pay. Especially some of the things Hidan and Deidara had written.

"Ok, let us get this thing over with so that we may move on to important matters." said Pain, obviously bored out of his mind.

"Uh maybe Leader-sama could take a break, yeah!" said Deidara quickly.

"Yeah you deserve a break!" said Hidan.

"…" Pain stared at Hidan. "Are you trying to tell me something Hidan?"

"NO YOU UGLY GINGER HAIRED FUCKER!" Hidan snapped. "GO SUCK ON A DOG'S COCK YOU FAT ASS FUCKER!"

"I think we should read Hidan's list today…don't you all agree?" said Pain smirking slightly.

"Damn it…why can't I keep my mouth shut for three seconds?!" Hidan mumbled to himself.

**1. Hidan is the stupidest thing since fried dirt balls!**

**2. Hidan is so damn ugly his whole village died from shock.**

**3. I farted just now.**

**4. I like eating a cheeseburger.**

Tobi coughed nervously. Not too long ago he had been singing, "Tobi love cheeseburgers! Tobi ated Hidan's cheeseburger! YAY!"

Pain just rubbed his forehead and read on.

**5. Pain is a batard. A ugky basard. JASHIN rulez! Kakuzu iz a fat fuc. Deidara suckz blalls. Kisame haz 2 dics. Itachi has corn in hiz poo. Zetsu is guy. Conan iz a big boopzed tiittyyshakerz. I'z rulezz! Tobe is a fat monkey and I lik cheese he sayz.**

Everyone looked at Hidan, but on the inside everyone was laughing their ass off. Pain gave Hidan a "WTF" look and shook his head.

**6. Dear Diary: Hidan has a crush on Kisame. He likes to masturbate to Kisame's hair and stuff. SO GAY! Anyway, I eated a cheeseburger. I think it was Hidan's. Why can't I stop talking about Hidan? Probably 'cuz I like talking smack about how lame Hidan is. He is so sneaky, but Tobi sees all! As a matter of fact I saw Hidan dress up like Itachi and fap with Kisame-sempai. Tobi watched. Sasori was eating some popcorn with Konan and Zetsu in the closet. Tobi ate some too, but they didn't see Tobi. I have to go now. Konan is going to fap with somebody named Jiariya 'cuz Leader doesn't like her. Why would she think that? I've seen Leader-sama touch his thingy and say "KONAN! FUCK YEAH! SUCK THAT DICK!" and there isn't anybody there except Leader-sama sitting there naked touching himself like Hidan…does that mean Leader is a loser too? Oh well… Sighed Tobi aka the lollipop…oosps! I mean this isn't TOBI! THIS IS ITACHI! (stupid Tobi)**

Everybody looked at Tobi, Hidan, and then Pain. Pain looked embarrassed, Konan looked shocked, Sasori was trying to hide inside of his cloak, Kisame looked disgusted, Hidan wasn't even there, and everyone else was shocked, except Itachi who wasn't there either.

Pain slowly got up and gestured for Tobi to follow. When Tobi slithered over there, Pain calmly told him to get Hidan. Tobi left and came back with an embarrassed Hidan.

A few minutes later, crying, begging, sobbing, hitting, and other things could be heard that terrified the hell out of everyone.

One could only imagine the horrors that Pain was doing to those two. Hopefully Konan would do the reading tomorrow.


End file.
